Adsent from His presence

If you follow my other blog, you would realise how emo I've been

The accumulation of unhappy thoughts has deeply disturbed my daily life lately
It's the whole thing about how the world view you that greatly affected me
I can't stand it, maybe becos I wasn't someone who is rich or famous
that's why I'm absolutely nothing in society...
that's why I feel worthless to a certain extent

Then, I came to terms that all these unhappiness actually surface because
I have been adsent from God's presence
I've been so self-indulged/self-centred
It was about Me,Me,Me
Who am I? Who I want to be?, etc etc
that I neglected my real identity
that I'm a child of God
and that Christ lives in me

Now, I'm clear what is required of me
Why be so indulged in the worldy thing
like money, popularity, fame, or possessions
when you can't bring them to Heaven?
or when God doesn't even look at all those things?
But at our Heart?

I can't live together with the World
but I definitely can live in this World

Yet, I'm stuggling in my faith
maybe becos my faith fluctuate with my emotions
but not the other way instead

I want to take a leap of faith
I don't want to live by my will
but God's
I want to grow