A very ordinary girl who thinks "the world is beautiful" and feels very blessed by God with her wonderful family and amazing friends who never cease to be there for her and make her feel like she is the luckiest person on Earth. However, she is very fickle-minded so don't mind her if she keeps on contradicting herself.
As the title suggests, this is simply a place where I write about my journey with God. I don't go to Bible College nor preached or whatsoever but I do believe in God. This is where I write about my experiences and you may just realise how flawed I am.
It has definitely been a while since I've been on this blog.
And to be honest, I have no excuses.
I have been shunning away from God and now, I guess He has found me again.
Planetshakers conference 2013 has been EPIC.
I could feel the presence of God so vividly.
Just yesterday, Reggie Dabbs was speaking on the issue of Saturday.
Whilst many preachers talk about Friday when Jesus died on the cross,
and Sunday where he rose again; no one really talks about Saturday...
so what exactly happens on Saturday?
Perhaps, it is the day when God is silent in your situation.
Those are the days where we start to question God;
Am I so unworthy that he refused to speak to me?
Have I done something wrong?
Why is he letting me go through these?
Where is God when I need him the most?
I start to doubt, to fear, to worry; and even let anger to consume me
But the amazing thing is;
Saturday is the day after your prayer and the day before your answer.
God trusted me with Saturdays; the pain, the sorrows, the neglect and loneliness because he knew that one day, he will be able to turn my Saturdays into a trophy.
Right now, I am praying for a breakthrough in my life.
And although it is silent and the water is calm;
I believe that God is getting ready to stir up a tsunami of blessings.
It seems that I have been neglecting this blog alot
what I really feel is that,
sometimes, I don't feel fit enough to blog about God
that I'm unworthy.
But I know I shouldn't feel this way
We're all His children
and we all have the right to speak about our relationship with our father yeah?
I have been going back to my old church for the past 2 weeks
and it feels good to be there again
Now that I have my freedom again,
I feel like I should do so many things
like studying God's word.
But I keep procastrinating again
Then, I start to think
Maybe God isn't my focus
that studying His Word isn't my first priority.
I'm in state of self denial
Always believing that I had, have and will put God as my first
but looks like my actions are contradicting itself
I have been blinded by alot of things
and I often feel that spending time and catching up with friends is so much more important
but two days ago,
when I was doing QT,
I came across a passage from Too Busy Not to Pray by Bill Hybels
and it uses the analogy of sailing in the storm
The author writes that when he was young, he used to go sailing in his dad's boat with his friends
It's nice having a pal with you when sailing
but when you approach the storm, an inexperienced crew would be of no use.
On the other hand, when he was with his dad, he looked forward to the storm
because his had had sailed across the Atlantic Ocean
and there's nothing he wouldn't be able to handle when the storm is near.
As you enjoy God's presence in your life, you become increasingly aware of your companion's identity and power and character. Nothing is too difficult for God to handle. There are no limits to his power. Life can't throw anything at you that you can't handle with God.
Life for me right now seems to be quite smooth
but I can't see what's ahead of me.
Regardless though, I know that in this journey,
there're bound to be hardship, heartbreaks, tragedies and trials
that I will have to face.
Don't we all love to do that though?
when life's good.
We put God aside and enjoy the companionship of the world
then when crisis hit,
we run to Him for help.
I don't want to sit back and enjoy the smooth sailing with the world
but I want to cling on to Him
regardless of whether it's smooth sailing or I'm approaching a storm.
becos either way, I will be able to enjoy his presence, assurances and his strength.
I guess afterall,
I want to be more grateful. Thank you.
Yesss, I noee it has been ages since I've been on this blog xD But anw, I feel inspired to write today
A few weeks ago when I was doing QT I read something that is so true and very challenging
The title is The Illusion of Leadership by Henry Nouwen in the Seeds of Hope
Quote: "No one can help anyone without being involved, without entering with his or her whole person into the painful situation, without taking the risk of being hurt, wounded, or even destroyed in the process... Who can save a shild from a burning house without taking the risk of being hurt by the flames? who can listen to a story of loneliness and despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains and even losing precious peace of mind?"
Isn't it soo true? When we see those in poverty, those who are hurt, those who are broken we do feel upset, we do feel the pain yet, don't we most often shunned it to the back of our memory? becos we fear? becos we are scared to face the depth of their pain? or becos we have never experience such agony that we aren't able to empathise with them I'm sure we're all compassionate creatures, wanting to help those in need I'm sure we all want to reach out.
But it's difficult no doubt; not everyone has the capability but I'm sure we are all called in this world by God to complete his will big or small; you do make a difference you are worthy in his eyes
I don't know what my future beholds for me Nothing seems to be unfolding yet I suppose I can only trust in God for his plan to be fulfilled for me
I am just glad and thankful for all the sufferings I have experience The death of my love ones Moving to a new country Experiencing problems from family to relationships
All these small things have greatly strengthen me and given me the capacity to help others who is under the same plight
Though I have never experience poverty or any kind of disabilities, I want to feel that same misery so that I would be able to understand them I want to feel the same pain they're feeling I want to enter their world.
But it's soo hard; easy to say I can be such hypocrite sometimes But I know that Jesus is not and the more I become like Him Then, I will be able to feel that same compassion that same immense love that He has for us
The reason why God is able to take our sufferings away is becos He knows what are our sufferings He not only knows what they are but He experienced them a million time worse than what we're experiencing He came down to Earth facing only pain after pain Betrayals, Humiliation, Lost, Doubts, Temptations But you know what? He rose above all of them
So can we. with the help of the Father
I would like to share this song that I heard in Church last sunday The lyric is really meaningful and it's below
God of justice, Saviour to all Came to rescue the weak and the poor Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us Freely we've received Now freely we will give
We must go live to feed the hungry Stand beside the broken, we must go Stepping forward keep us from just singing Move us into action, we must go
To act justly every day Loving mercy in every way Walking humbly before You, God
You have shown us, what You require Freely we've received Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out Fill us up and send us out Fill us up and send us out, Lord
If you follow my other blog, you would realise how emo I've been
The accumulation of unhappy thoughts has deeply disturbed my daily life lately It's the whole thing about how the world view you that greatly affected me I can't stand it, maybe becos I wasn't someone who is rich or famous that's why I'm absolutely nothing in society... that's why I feel worthless to a certain extent
Then, I came to terms that all these unhappiness actually surface because I have been adsent from God's presence I've been so self-indulged/self-centred It was about Me,Me,Me Who am I? Who I want to be?, etc etc that I neglected my real identity that I'm a child of God and that Christ lives in me
Now, I'm clear what is required of me Why be so indulged in the worldy thing like money, popularity, fame, or possessions when you can't bring them to Heaven? or when God doesn't even look at all those things? But at our Heart?
I can't live together with the World but I definitely can live in this World
Yet, I'm stuggling in my faith maybe becos my faith fluctuate with my emotions but not the other way instead
I want to take a leap of faith I don't want to live by my will but God's I want to grow
Sometimes, I feel really drifted away from God and it's not because God has forsaken me or given me up but it's me I disobey Him and happily take the path that I want I know well enough that the path that God plans for me is better in the long run Yet, the path that I am desiring to take seems sooo tempting
I really want to follow the path that God plan for me I really do
But it's so hard Everything that the world throws at me is another burden that I have to bear My innermost feelings I cannot ignore My innermost desires I cannot suppress
I just wanna have fun, yet that moment of fun could easily turn me to some kind of irreversible mutated person
I'm striving but it's hurting I know that Victory belongs to God sooo, let's me take the right path and help me not to be led astray
