Adsent from His presence

If you follow my other blog, you would realise how emo I've been

The accumulation of unhappy thoughts has deeply disturbed my daily life lately
It's the whole thing about how the world view you that greatly affected me
I can't stand it, maybe becos I wasn't someone who is rich or famous
that's why I'm absolutely nothing in society...
that's why I feel worthless to a certain extent

Then, I came to terms that all these unhappiness actually surface because
I have been adsent from God's presence
I've been so self-indulged/self-centred
It was about Me,Me,Me
Who am I? Who I want to be?, etc etc
that I neglected my real identity
that I'm a child of God
and that Christ lives in me

Now, I'm clear what is required of me
Why be so indulged in the worldy thing
like money, popularity, fame, or possessions
when you can't bring them to Heaven?
or when God doesn't even look at all those things?
But at our Heart?

I can't live together with the World
but I definitely can live in this World

Yet, I'm stuggling in my faith
maybe becos my faith fluctuate with my emotions
but not the other way instead

I want to take a leap of faith
I don't want to live by my will
but God's
I want to grow

My innermost feelings I pour out to you

I am a sinner...

Sometimes, I feel really drifted away from God
and it's not because God has forsaken me or given me up
but it's me
I disobey Him and happily take the path that I want
I know well enough that the path that God plans for me is better in the long run
Yet, the path that I am desiring to take seems sooo tempting

I really want to follow the path that God plan for me
I really do

But it's so hard
Everything that the world throws at me is another burden that I have to bear
My innermost feelings I cannot ignore
My innermost desires I cannot suppress

I just wanna have fun, yet that moment of fun
could easily turn me to some kind of irreversible mutated person

I'm striving but it's hurting
I know that Victory belongs to God
sooo, let's me take the right path
and help me not to be led astray

Iloveyou,Father
please help me stay focus on you

Overcoming Fear

Hmmm, I haven't been sincerely doing my Quiet Time
been slacking quite abit here and there
prob b/c I have been dwelling in my problems which should not even exist if I gave it all to God
=.=

but guess what,
this totally relates to the sermon ytd!
We had a guest speaker as our Pastor is in Korea
and I really enjoyed his message

At the start, I found it really hard to comprehend what he said
as I could not really follow on his accent
but anw, as his msg got more interesting
I pray to God/Holy Spirit that I will be able to understand his words
and I'm not joking
It seems like God either open up my ears or gave him better pronounciation
I understood everything the pastor said
and the message really touch my heart deep down

He talked about "Overcoming Fears"

1. Miracle and Faith

There's no doubt that we experience problems and sufferings in our lives
Sometimes, we question God
"Is it because I've done something wrong?"
"Is it because God don't love me anymore?"
but all these are the wrong concept;
In fact, it's the other way around
God wants to use every opportunity to strengthen us and help us grow in faith
It's the fact that He loves us and wants us to grow closer to Him
When we face trial, faith is the one that bear miracles
and Miracles only happen when you have faith to God to face your problem
I really need to trust my problem to Him
but there's one thing I know for sure
that God will not allow problems that are too big for me
and He will surely lead me out of them

2. Development of Character

Every trials or temptation we overcome, It builds our character
There's no doubt that the beginning is always the hardest though
Sometimes, I am left there thinking that I should just give up
but it actually depends on myself
whether I want to continue to persevere or stay at the same spot
Again, the amount of time we spend dwelling on our problem depends on us
With faith and obedience to God, our problem would not seem to be a problem at all
I always think of His creation and His plan
then, I realise that I'm soooooo tiny
soooo small compared to the universe, the planets, the galaxy
yet He loves us the most
Our problems then becomes so miniture

Quoted from pastor:
The problems are not your problems. It is how you overcome your problem, that's Your real problem

We can choose to dwell in our past
We can choose to continue to fear for the present
or our reputation

But we can choose to deal with it...

Be a person who care more about your character rather than reputation

There was a period of time that I continued to dwell in my problem
It was hard for me
I cried for almost everyday, exagerating a lil xD
but anw, as much as I pray to God to take away that problem
It kept haunting me
It kept destroying me

Then, I rmb that my church friend once said that:
God is like your mother/father on Earth
When you do something wrong, hitting ur younger brother
He hits you to remind you that it's wrong
and if you do it again, He will continue to punish you
until you STOP

I'm not saying that God hit me or anything
but I felt that during that period of time, God wanted to be Fully overcome my problem
entirely;
not just avoiding it, or solving it by my own strength
He wanted my obedience and trust in Him
He wanted me to rely on Him and not on my own strength
and now, when I looked back on it

I feel sooo glad
that God allowed it to happen
because I wouldn't have learn so much today
but throughout that journey, I always knew God was there for me
no matter how much heartache I suffered, He comforts me

3. The cure for fear is courage

Faith is believing what we cannot see; the price of faith is saying what we believe

I believe in God; that's no doubt
but I really need to work on proclaiming my faith
and not hide it or feel embarass about it

But anw, problems are opportunity for us to move our faith to a higher level
as every assurance that comes to us is a result of the problem

Christians do face alot of problems too
but what's different is that we are able to change tragedy to victory
for God's glory

the above are sermon notes from ytd
by Pastor Agus from Richmond (if I'm not wrong)

Flip to a fresh new page;

I actually have no idea where to start...
maybe I will start by my introducing myself?

I was saved when I was year 8
I would have never guess that my life would turn out like this
never thought there was actually a super-natural who wanted a relationship with me
Before I met God, I was a buddhist since everyone in my family was...
Went to the temple every now and then
Worshipping and burning incense to different statue
As a kid back then, everything seems to work out miraculously
I remembered that I prayed for good results for Chinese test
and then I had 70% and I was the happiest person alive
thinking that my prayers were answered

Anw, let's talk about more recent years
After knowing Christ, my life really changed so much
I looked back and sometimes, wonder what will happen if I didn't meet him
I'm growing everyday and experiencing the works of the Holy Spirit
I probably wouldn't have survived till this day if it weren't for him
There're many blessings I have recieved; too many to even count

In the early days when I became a new Christian,
I used to treat God like a vending machine
that if I do or say something good, I can request something of him
but then, I realised that God has other duties he wants to fulfill
He didn't just want to be a God whom everyone fears
nor did he want to be a God where everyone just goes to him to ask for favours for themselves

He wants to be our Father
He wants a personal relationship with US
He loves us as his children
everyone of us
He moulds each of us and knows our name even before we're born
Nothing we do will make him love us more or less
He MADE us so how can he not love us?
He GAVE his only son to die for us so we could live again so how can we say we're worthless to God?
Till this very day, He has never given up on us
Jesus is still waiting behind the door of our hearts
He's waiting for us to open our hearts and accept him as Saviour

When I heard of such a loving and compassionate God,
how can I resist not recognising him?

Yet, I am flawed
Throughout these 4 years of being a Christian
There're times where I was led astray from him
where I felt that I could rely on myself

I'm ashamed to be making use of God sometimes,
where I only care about myself
and not for his sake
where I would only come to God when I needed something
where I would only pray when problems are too huge for me to handle

Being a Christian is so much harder than I thought
The spiritual battles that I have to fight
The struggles I faced in the world
trying to be just like Jesus
and not letting myself be a stumbling block for others
Nevertheless, God is always there with me
I feel his presence throughout all pains, hardships, joy and peace
He never lets me bear more than I can
b/c He is always there to carry my burden

Read Footprints if you haven't already!!

The journey is hard, I must say
The ups and downs are a turnoff
but this is life, I suppose
but I never regret choosing this route to follow my Christ

My First Post

This marks my very first post in this brand new colony
I'm actually not even sure if this blog will last, but hopefully it will
I serz hope this blog doesn't evoke any aggression or anything
I feel such a hypocrite at times;
Anw, my eng sucks xD