A very ordinary girl who thinks "the world is beautiful" and feels very blessed by God with her wonderful family and amazing friends who never cease to be there for her and make her feel like she is the luckiest person on Earth. However, she is very fickle-minded so don't mind her if she keeps on contradicting herself.
As the title suggests, this is simply a place where I write about my journey with God. I don't go to Bible College nor preached or whatsoever but I do believe in God. This is where I write about my experiences and you may just realise how flawed I am.
It seems that I have been neglecting this blog alot
what I really feel is that,
sometimes, I don't feel fit enough to blog about God
that I'm unworthy.
But I know I shouldn't feel this way
We're all His children
and we all have the right to speak about our relationship with our father yeah?
I have been going back to my old church for the past 2 weeks
and it feels good to be there again
Now that I have my freedom again,
I feel like I should do so many things
like studying God's word.
But I keep procastrinating again
Then, I start to think
Maybe God isn't my focus
that studying His Word isn't my first priority.
I'm in state of self denial
Always believing that I had, have and will put God as my first
but looks like my actions are contradicting itself
I have been blinded by alot of things
and I often feel that spending time and catching up with friends is so much more important
but two days ago,
when I was doing QT,
I came across a passage from Too Busy Not to Pray by Bill Hybels
and it uses the analogy of sailing in the storm
The author writes that when he was young, he used to go sailing in his dad's boat with his friends
It's nice having a pal with you when sailing
but when you approach the storm, an inexperienced crew would be of no use.
On the other hand, when he was with his dad, he looked forward to the storm
because his had had sailed across the Atlantic Ocean
and there's nothing he wouldn't be able to handle when the storm is near.
As you enjoy God's presence in your life, you become increasingly aware of your companion's identity and power and character. Nothing is too difficult for God to handle. There are no limits to his power. Life can't throw anything at you that you can't handle with God.
Life for me right now seems to be quite smooth
but I can't see what's ahead of me.
Regardless though, I know that in this journey,
there're bound to be hardship, heartbreaks, tragedies and trials
that I will have to face.
Don't we all love to do that though?
when life's good.
We put God aside and enjoy the companionship of the world
then when crisis hit,
we run to Him for help.
I don't want to sit back and enjoy the smooth sailing with the world
but I want to cling on to Him
regardless of whether it's smooth sailing or I'm approaching a storm.
becos either way, I will be able to enjoy his presence, assurances and his strength.
I guess afterall,
I want to be more grateful. Thank you.
Yesss, I noee it has been ages since I've been on this blog xD But anw, I feel inspired to write today
A few weeks ago when I was doing QT I read something that is so true and very challenging
The title is The Illusion of Leadership by Henry Nouwen in the Seeds of Hope
Quote: "No one can help anyone without being involved, without entering with his or her whole person into the painful situation, without taking the risk of being hurt, wounded, or even destroyed in the process... Who can save a shild from a burning house without taking the risk of being hurt by the flames? who can listen to a story of loneliness and despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains and even losing precious peace of mind?"
Isn't it soo true? When we see those in poverty, those who are hurt, those who are broken we do feel upset, we do feel the pain yet, don't we most often shunned it to the back of our memory? becos we fear? becos we are scared to face the depth of their pain? or becos we have never experience such agony that we aren't able to empathise with them I'm sure we're all compassionate creatures, wanting to help those in need I'm sure we all want to reach out.
But it's difficult no doubt; not everyone has the capability but I'm sure we are all called in this world by God to complete his will big or small; you do make a difference you are worthy in his eyes
I don't know what my future beholds for me Nothing seems to be unfolding yet I suppose I can only trust in God for his plan to be fulfilled for me
I am just glad and thankful for all the sufferings I have experience The death of my love ones Moving to a new country Experiencing problems from family to relationships
All these small things have greatly strengthen me and given me the capacity to help others who is under the same plight
Though I have never experience poverty or any kind of disabilities, I want to feel that same misery so that I would be able to understand them I want to feel the same pain they're feeling I want to enter their world.
But it's soo hard; easy to say I can be such hypocrite sometimes But I know that Jesus is not and the more I become like Him Then, I will be able to feel that same compassion that same immense love that He has for us
The reason why God is able to take our sufferings away is becos He knows what are our sufferings He not only knows what they are but He experienced them a million time worse than what we're experiencing He came down to Earth facing only pain after pain Betrayals, Humiliation, Lost, Doubts, Temptations But you know what? He rose above all of them
So can we. with the help of the Father
I would like to share this song that I heard in Church last sunday The lyric is really meaningful and it's below
God of justice, Saviour to all Came to rescue the weak and the poor Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us Freely we've received Now freely we will give
We must go live to feed the hungry Stand beside the broken, we must go Stepping forward keep us from just singing Move us into action, we must go
To act justly every day Loving mercy in every way Walking humbly before You, God
You have shown us, what You require Freely we've received Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out Fill us up and send us out Fill us up and send us out, Lord
If you follow my other blog, you would realise how emo I've been
The accumulation of unhappy thoughts has deeply disturbed my daily life lately It's the whole thing about how the world view you that greatly affected me I can't stand it, maybe becos I wasn't someone who is rich or famous that's why I'm absolutely nothing in society... that's why I feel worthless to a certain extent
Then, I came to terms that all these unhappiness actually surface because I have been adsent from God's presence I've been so self-indulged/self-centred It was about Me,Me,Me Who am I? Who I want to be?, etc etc that I neglected my real identity that I'm a child of God and that Christ lives in me
Now, I'm clear what is required of me Why be so indulged in the worldy thing like money, popularity, fame, or possessions when you can't bring them to Heaven? or when God doesn't even look at all those things? But at our Heart?
I can't live together with the World but I definitely can live in this World
Yet, I'm stuggling in my faith maybe becos my faith fluctuate with my emotions but not the other way instead
I want to take a leap of faith I don't want to live by my will but God's I want to grow
Sometimes, I feel really drifted away from God and it's not because God has forsaken me or given me up but it's me I disobey Him and happily take the path that I want I know well enough that the path that God plans for me is better in the long run Yet, the path that I am desiring to take seems sooo tempting
I really want to follow the path that God plan for me I really do
But it's so hard Everything that the world throws at me is another burden that I have to bear My innermost feelings I cannot ignore My innermost desires I cannot suppress
I just wanna have fun, yet that moment of fun could easily turn me to some kind of irreversible mutated person
I'm striving but it's hurting I know that Victory belongs to God sooo, let's me take the right path and help me not to be led astray
Hmmm, I haven't been sincerely doing my Quiet Time been slacking quite abit here and there prob b/c I have been dwelling in my problems which should not even exist if I gave it all to God =.=
but guess what, this totally relates to the sermon ytd! We had a guest speaker as our Pastor is in Korea and I really enjoyed his message
At the start, I found it really hard to comprehend what he said as I could not really follow on his accent but anw, as his msg got more interesting I pray to God/Holy Spirit that I will be able to understand his words and I'm not joking It seems like God either open up my ears or gave him better pronounciation I understood everything the pastor said and the message really touch my heart deep down
He talked about "Overcoming Fears"
1. Miracle and Faith
There's no doubt that we experience problems and sufferings in our lives Sometimes, we question God "Is it because I've done something wrong?" "Is it because God don't love me anymore?" but all these are the wrong concept; In fact, it's the other way around God wants to use every opportunity to strengthen us and help us grow in faith It's the fact that He loves us and wants us to grow closer to Him When we face trial, faith is the one that bear miracles and Miracles only happen when you have faith to God to face your problem I really need to trust my problem to Him but there's one thing I know for sure that God will not allow problems that are too big for me and He will surely lead me out of them
2. Development of Character
Every trials or temptation we overcome, It builds our character There's no doubt that the beginning is always the hardest though Sometimes, I am left there thinking that I should just give up but it actually depends on myself whether I want to continue to persevere or stay at the same spot Again, the amount of time we spend dwelling on our problem depends on us With faith and obedience to God, our problem would not seem to be a problem at all I always think of His creation and His plan then, I realise that I'm soooooo tiny soooo small compared to the universe, the planets, the galaxy yet He loves us the most Our problems then becomes so miniture
Quoted from pastor: The problems are not your problems. It is how you overcome your problem, that's Your real problem
We can choose to dwell in our past We can choose to continue to fear for the present or our reputation
But we can choose to deal with it...
Be a person who care more about your character rather than reputation
There was a period of time that I continued to dwell in my problem It was hard for me I cried for almost everyday, exagerating a lil xD but anw, as much as I pray to God to take away that problem It kept haunting me It kept destroying me
Then, I rmb that my church friend once said that: God is like your mother/father on Earth When you do something wrong, hitting ur younger brother He hits you to remind you that it's wrong and if you do it again, He will continue to punish you until you STOP
I'm not saying that God hit me or anything but I felt that during that period of time, God wanted to be Fully overcome my problem entirely; not just avoiding it, or solving it by my own strength He wanted my obedience and trust in Him He wanted me to rely on Him and not on my own strength and now, when I looked back on it
I feel sooo glad that God allowed it to happen because I wouldn't have learn so much today but throughout that journey, I always knew God was there for me no matter how much heartache I suffered, He comforts me
3. The cure for fear is courage
Faith is believing what we cannot see; the price of faith is saying what we believe
I believe in God; that's no doubt but I really need to work on proclaiming my faith and not hide it or feel embarass about it
But anw, problems are opportunity for us to move our faith to a higher level as every assurance that comes to us is a result of the problem
Christians do face alot of problems too but what's different is that we are able to change tragedy to victory for God's glory
the above are sermon notes from ytd by Pastor Agus from Richmond (if I'm not wrong)
I actually have no idea where to start... maybe I will start by my introducing myself?
I was saved when I was year 8 I would have never guess that my life would turn out like this never thought there was actually a super-natural who wanted a relationship with me Before I met God, I was a buddhist since everyone in my family was... Went to the temple every now and then Worshipping and burning incense to different statue As a kid back then, everything seems to work out miraculously I remembered that I prayed for good results for Chinese test and then I had 70% and I was the happiest person alive thinking that my prayers were answered
Anw, let's talk about more recent years After knowing Christ, my life really changed so much I looked back and sometimes, wonder what will happen if I didn't meet him I'm growing everyday and experiencing the works of the Holy Spirit I probably wouldn't have survived till this day if it weren't for him There're many blessings I have recieved; too many to even count
In the early days when I became a new Christian, I used to treat God like a vending machine that if I do or say something good, I can request something of him but then, I realised that God has other duties he wants to fulfill He didn't just want to be a God whom everyone fears nor did he want to be a God where everyone just goes to him to ask for favours for themselves
He wants to be our Father He wants a personal relationship with US He loves us as his children everyone of us He moulds each of us and knows our name even before we're born Nothing we do will make him love us more or less He MADE us so how can he not love us? He GAVE his only son to die for us so we could live again so how can we say we're worthless to God? Till this very day, He has never given up on us Jesus is still waiting behind the door of our hearts He's waiting for us to open our hearts and accept him as Saviour
When I heard of such a loving and compassionate God, how can I resist not recognising him?
Yet, I am flawed Throughout these 4 years of being a Christian There're times where I was led astray from him where I felt that I could rely on myself
I'm ashamed to be making use of God sometimes, where I only care about myself and not for his sake where I would only come to God when I needed something where I would only pray when problems are too huge for me to handle
Being a Christian is so much harder than I thought The spiritual battles that I have to fight The struggles I faced in the world trying to be just like Jesus and not letting myself be a stumbling block for others Nevertheless, God is always there with me I feel his presence throughout all pains, hardships, joy and peace He never lets me bear more than I can b/c He is always there to carry my burden
Read Footprints if you haven't already!!
The journey is hard, I must say The ups and downs are a turnoff but this is life, I suppose but I never regret choosing this route to follow my Christ
